Inevitability

[marydell]

Well, the adoption process is now underway.  We sent our signed agreements & first fee to CCAI, and made our first appointment with our social worker at LCFS.  That'll be in about a week and a couple days after that we're getting fingerprinted by Identix.  As I understand it these fingerprints are for the state of Illinois, not for USCIS--they'll do more fingerprints later.  Our "already done" list is growing but only at about half the pace of our "to do" list.  Get more smoke detectors, put a banister on the basement stairs, update the cat's vaccinations, update our own vaccinations.  Hub has to shave his beard before we take our passport pictures since he only wears it in cold weather, and we don't know what time of year we'll ultimately be traveling. 

Even though the to-do list contains many steps that are about getting ready to have a baby in the house, this feels nothing at all like being pregnant, as I understand it anyway.  If a pregnant woman does absolutely nothing, the pregnancy will most likely continue and produce a baby.  Yes, there's steps you should take to ensure the baby's health and a safe delivery, but most pregnancies will move forward without any particular assistance.

The adoption process, on the other hand, will completely halt at any time if I just fail to do one of the steps that's required of me.  This creates a wee bit of pressure.  My internal voice says "if you don't get that check sent right away, you'll never have a baby!" or "if you don't find a good day care center before the home study starts, you'll never have a baby!"  I suspect my internal voice is a bit panicky and needs to just chill, but I keep pushing forward at a frantic pace anyway...all to get into a nearly yearlong queue.   

I keep reminding myself that this situation actually does revolve around a pregnancy...someone else's.  The mother of my future child is probably pregnant right now, and my responsibility is no different than if I'd met her and she'd planned to place her child with me.  We'll probably never actually know anything about each other (although I hope someday we might) but if I think of this as a partnership it's easier to do my bit calmly.  It's not easy to be evaluated by strangers and to jump through so many hoops, but must be a thousand times easier than what she's going through, and will go through.