Velcro baby

[marydell]

Even though Charlie is not unwell today, he has designated today as an official Mommy mommy mommy mommy oh god don't leave me mommy mommy day.

Apparently he didn't get the memo that this was already designated as a Mommy gets to take a break day.

On the other hand, he is fine with me doing my own thing as long as I stay near him, so I've been able to read a lot of Among Others while he plays choo-choos and whatnot. And we have hopes that he will be able to let me out of his sight later when Mike's brother will be coming over to help entertain him.

What's funny is that part of me craves exactly this--the whole obliteration of my own identity into mommyhood--at the same time as knowing it's unhealthy and that the lack of me-time is making me cranky and depressed. I don't know if this is because of infertility and all that time spent yearning for a child, or if its that I'm ambivalent about the rest of my identity (writer-artist-survivor of various things) and would rather shelve it in favor of mommyhood, which I have fairly simple feelings about.

Comments

[boxofdelights]

No, he got the memo, that's *why* you are not allowed to leave his sight.

I think being Champion Boss God Queen of the Universe and Linchpin of My Existence is pretty addictive even when the baby shows up a year or two before you actually wanted him.

[pantryslut.livejournal.com]

Hm. I suspect it might be mostly the latter, inferring from my own feelings. And I think it's something that isn't talked about much when folks hand-wring about (other) people losing themselves in mommyhood -- it's so simple (the identity, not the process!) and so high-demand at the same time, and that makes it easy to let everything else slide for a while. Even when that's not such a good idea in the long view.

[capriuni.livejournal.com]

I'm not a mommy, and there is very little likelihood that I ever will be one, so please add salt to taste.

But:

I figure there must be stages of mommyhood just like there are stages of childhood, and it only gets really unhealthy if:

a) either of you get stuck in one stage and stays there, or:
b) either of you tries to force the other into an inappropriate stage, and you get 'out of sync.'

But, really, I know nothing.

[unhappytriad.livejournal.com]

I don't think you even have to be ambivalent about your other roles to get a kick out of being the central figure in a kid's life. It's kind of like owning a dog--someone's always glad to see you.
As capriuni said, as long as you're not trying to keep yourself central in his life past the appropriate time, why not enjoy it while it lasts? There will be decades when he doesn't need your daily involvement in his life, but right now your attention and time are a huge benefit to him. (This is NOT an argument against 'me time', because OMG how you need that too!)