Things that are not acceptable, per Charlie

[marydell]

1. diaper changes, in general, are bad, but expecting a person to lie down for one is ridiculous. If you can't change my diapers while I'm standing up, I'd rather you just skipped it entirely. What's that? You say I can't stand up without you holding me, which makes it difficult to change me? Oh, you "need both hands" to put a diaper on a wiggly toddler?  Cry me a river, Mom.

2. When I indicate, through inarticulate screeching, that I want that thing on the other side of the table that I can't reach, you persist in giving me the wrong thing, or saying "no, you can't play with medicine bottles/electrical parts/batteries/wheat-based food items/plastic bags/pop cans/etc.   Stop leaving interesting things on the table if you're not going to give them to me!

3. This "time-out" thing is for the birds. Just because I am throwing a giant tantrum and attempting to scratch you in a studied, deliberate fashion doesn't mean I should have to go in my crib...I mean, seriously. What is that about. Hey, Mom, did you know you have a big scratch on your collarbone?  Where did that come from? It's interesting. *poke poke*

4. Spinach. What the fuck are you thinking? *Hork*

5. Sometimes the sippy cup has grape juice in it, and sometimes it has water in it. Are you messing with me?

6. Get that nail clipper away from me! EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!

Comments

[cakmpls.livejournal.com]

ROFLMAO So true!

J made up a song to sing while changing diapers, because the first kid hated it so.

Hey ho, away we go
Diaper-changing, diaper-changing
Hey ho, away we go
Changing baby's diaper

(J also made up other songs for other occasions.)

[txanne.livejournal.com]

Wish to God you'd never been born/Changing baby's diaper.

OH yeah. One of my friends got herself irrevocably excused from diaper duty by throwing up all over her nephew the first time she changed him. Wish I'd thought of that!

[marydell.livejournal.com]

LOL, I haven't had that problem, although some of the throwing up incidents have caused a bit of a chain reaction. Also "wish you'd never been born?" tsk, tsk, so mean! :)

[txanne.livejournal.com]

What? No! Not wishing the baby hadn't been born, wishing *you* hadn't been born! (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5H347JxViMs)

[marydell.livejournal.com]

Oh, LOL, that makes better sense...you never know how strongly people feel about diapers, though! I'm not familiar with "Riding on a Donkey" but I grew up singing South Australia, (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8AeKimjRIn0) which is similar:

And as we wallop around Cape Horn, (heave away, haul away) you'll wish to God you'd never been born (we're bound for South Australia).

(edit: fixed html)

[txanne.livejournal.com]

That's close enough to blame the folk process--especially since Newfoundland was settled by mainly Irish people. They even held on to "Spanish Ladies," a song from Nelson's navy, except now they call it "Rant and Roar." "We'll rant and we'll roar like true British sailors" has become "true Newfoundlanders." The tune's enough different to really screw me up! But it's awfully neat.

[marydell.livejournal.com]

The one that messes me up is trying to sing either "The Trees They Do Grow High" (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LU3Xeo0kabc) or "Lang A-Growing" (can't find a decent version--Steeley Span recorded it but it's not on ye web) without lapsing into the other one. The tunes are dissimilar but the words are mostly the same, and they both have nice bits that seem like they could go together.

I only know "Spanish Ladies" from Quint singing bits of it in Jaws...*goes to look it up*

[txanne.livejournal.com]

Ooh, that problem rings a faint bell. (My college years were formative, but also lang syne.)

[marydell.livejournal.com]

I make up little songs but they tend to be less classy than this.

Diaper diaper dee,
Diaper full of pee,
Diaper diaper doo...

[princessofg.livejournal.com]

:D

[rikibeth.livejournal.com]

This was so funny I had to read it out to my roommate.

Small comfort, I'm sure.

[pnkrokhockeymom.livejournal.com]

Based on my rapidly fading memories, I am now decided that all toddlers are exactly the same.

[rivka.livejournal.com]

Charlie is Colin, AICMFP.

(Except that Colin would probably like spinach; he's a big green vegetable fan.)

[marydell.livejournal.com]

Charlie is particular about textures and I'm finding it really hard to prepare spinach in a way that isn't kinda gross. I'd forgotten that--I loved it as a kid but as an adult I only eat it in salad, dip, or soup.

[gailmom.livejournal.com]

can't. stop. snickering.

[icecreamempress.livejournal.com]

Well, obviously to Charlie everything can and should be accomplished with one hand, and you are the weirdo for insisting on using your extra one!

[etumukutenyak.livejournal.com]

Oh, man. This brings on serious flashback. :-)

[almeda.livejournal.com]

Whereas I am taking it as staunch warnings from Our Dark Future (my gal is currently going-on 15mo old).