Torrefaction

1. cook up a batch of Minute Maid instant rice
2. spread on mat in sun; leave until dry.
3. dry some more
4. grind up now-dry rice in mill of some sort
5. mix together rice flour and an equal amount of sawdust
6. maybe throw in some instant potato flakes while you're at it
7. stir in just enough water to make a paste
8. coat a bread-shaped mold with a little PAM spray
9. press paste into mold
10. leave in sun to dry
11. dry some more
12. maybe run the dehumidifier next to it for a while
13. form into "slices" with chisel and mallet
14. freeze and sell for $4.95 per loaf

At least, I assume that's how they make this crap.