Advice for Mothers

[marydell]

Dear more-experienced moms, here are some tips to keep in mind when talking to a new mother.

1. "Expensive" means the same thing to everybody, regardless of income or priorities. Be sure to point out if her choice of formula or clothing brand is too expensive.

2. Your stroller, sling, and other carrying devices are empirically better than hers. Help her to understand why her choices are wrong. Disregard any height/weight differential between yourself and her.

3. For any parenting choice she's making that's different from yours, say "oh, we'll see how long you manage to stick with that!"

4. If she adopted her child, any choices she makes differently from you can be explained by her "not having hormones."

5. Working is ok, but dedication to a demanding & lucrative career isn't appropriate for a mom. Suggest that she change to some other kind of work, more like whatever you do. Her husband should, of course, continue his similar career without modification...someone has to pay the bills!

Comments

[pnkrokhockeymom.livejournal.com]

I get these from friends now about the teenager parenting. The funny thing is, none of them even HAVE a teenager. And yet, they are still convinced I am Doing It Wrong.

I did have a friend do this to one of our other friends who just had a baby. She had a single cappucino a few months after she had a baby, and our friend, commenting on the fact that she's nursing, said, "I hope you know that you're killing your baby."

Srsly. Our new mom friend was in TEARS. How do you justify something like that and call yourself a friend (or, you know, a human?)

[marydell.livejournal.com]

That always boggles my mind. I mean, I'm sure I'm as judgemental as the next person, but why say stuff to people? Either it's not really important, or it's not going to make a difference anyway. I'll *sometimes* speak up if I'm really concerned about a safety issue, but even then I'm really, really careful. Saying something like "hey, I noticed the wheel on your stroller is loose" is generally received well, because it's just info, not a statement of philosophy like "your baby should wear restraints when they're in their stroller."

Also, statements like the one you cite drive me crazy because they're not even accurate. If you're going to say horrible things to people, at least be RIGHT.

[marydell.livejournal.com]

Thinking a little more on this...I think the difficulty is that parenting is an expression of 1. personality and 2. philosophy, and unlike sex, which is also an expression of those things, is performed in the public eye. So people who dislike your personality and/or philosophy can see them on display and take shots at them, when otherwise they wouldn't get that chance.

Teenagers and babies seem to particularly bring this out in people--possibly because everyone seems to love babies and to hate teenagers.