And today, a reminder why I'm on the adoption wagon instead of the fertility treatment wagon

[marydell]

I've been sick with some kind of food-poisony thing for a couple of days. In fact I was so sick that yesterday I just slept with the cat on top of me (when I wasn't, ahem, more directly engaging with the illness), and today I just lay on the couch watching realtime TV, since the tivo'd stuff is usually watched with my husband, and I didn't have the brain power to absorb anything like "John Adams" anyway.

Discovery Health is one of my favorite channels - and I see they have a show called The Baby Lab. As an infertile chick, I'm interested in ye olde reproductive technology (although I do not partake, being on the adoption track myself). So I look at the info thingy for the show and it says "an in vitro fertilization is unsuccessful, a couple suffers from miscarriage, a failed vasectomy reversal." Um, whee? Who writes these things?

Of course I ended up watching most of the damn thing anyway. End tally: 3 happy couples with babies, 2 devastated couples whose crushing disappointments were recorded on camera for all to see. HOWL.

Comments

[fledgist.livejournal.com]

Where are you planning to adopt from, if you don't mind my asking?

[marydell.livejournal.com]

I don't mind at all...our initial plan was to adopt from China, but that's become very very slow, so we're now hoping to adopting domestically. We're working with a couple of agencies here in the midwest, and focusing on adopting an African-American baby.

Domestic adoption is a lot more nerve-wracking than China adoption, because you're not adopting an orphan; you're being chosen by a pregnant woman who's considering you as potential parents for her child. So it's a lot more of a roller-coaster, but you have the opportunity to get to know the baby's birth mom (and dad, sometimes) and have a more open experience.

[fledgist.livejournal.com]

I wish you the best. I know there are idiots out there who are opposed to transracial adoptions, but I think they are less vocal now than in the past. Children need parents, and they need love, and I'm certain that you'll make a wonderful mother.

[marydell.livejournal.com]

Thanks, that means a lot to me! I certainly have angst about it (blog: http://www.canary3d.com/torrefaction/2007/12/do_the_right_thing.html), but hopefully I've got my eyes open enough to do an okay job despite my white privilege. It's strange to think of my child living in a parallel, crueller world, but I'm trying to learn about what that world is really like, and hopefully make it better, or easier to navigate.

[fledgist.livejournal.com]

Don't worry too much about it (interracial couples would be disapproved of as well, believe me, which I would find particularly annoying). Loving a child is a tough enough job as it is, and its rewards are infinite.

[marydell.livejournal.com]

Thanks :) I think it'll work out well...if it ever happens! Right now it's just training, training, training.

[fledgist.livejournal.com]

I hope it happens soon!

[serge-lj.livejournal.com]

My sister-in-law and her hubby went thru domestic adoption too, and that was nerve-wracking indeed. One time, just before the birth, the mother decided to keep her baby, so you can imagine the disapointment. But their efforts finally bore fruit:

http://pics.livejournal.com/serge_lj/pic/00034r01/g2

[marydell.livejournal.com]

Ooo, he's a cutie! Yeah, it seems like everyone has at least one fall-through...but that's just part of the deal. And since it's a risk of heartbreak for an adoptive parent, but a guarantee of heartbreak for a birth parent, I figure I've got the very-much-easier end of the bargain.

I don't suppose that'll be a heck of a lot of comfort when my turn for a let-down comes, but it'll be some. Seeing pictures like yours is considerably more of a comfort! And cause for hope. :)

[serge-lj.livejournal.com]

Hang in there. There'll be a child whose life will join with yours.

[marydell.livejournal.com]

Oh, and here's the adoption category from my blog, if you're interested:

http://www.canary3d.com/torrefaction/adoption/

I'm shifting my posting over here, because it's more fun, but the history's over there.