A thought about the tone argument [racism]

[marydell]

If I am driving and someone yells "hey, asshole! You've got a flat tire!" at me, I will be upset by their rudeness and may mark them down on my mental list of people I don't like, but I will also immediately look at my tire to see if it's flat, and if necessary I will pull over and put the spare tire on.  Because the substance of what they said matters more than how they said it.

If I am having a discussion and someone says "hey, asshole, that's racist," or something similarly rude, and I get upset by their rudeness *without* stopping to examine my own words or actions in light of their accusation of racism, that would mean that I care more about a flat tire than about whether I'm perpetuating racism.

It's not that I think rudeness is awesome.  But it's a lot more awesome than racism, and if a particular discussion can only focus on one or the other--as is so often the case--it's better to focus on racism.
 

Comments

[dharma_slut]

Hmm. I'm afraid the reason is that we don't assume that our identity devolves upon our flat tire.

However we do think that being told we've done something racist means we've been told that we ARE racist. Being called an asshole in that circumstance-- where you find you might agree-- or worse yet, lots of onlookers might agree? that's SO much worse than having a flat tire. Flat tires are fixable. Loss of status not so easy.

So yeah, the perception is often entirely different. I don't think it should be different, but we do have to understand that it may be.

I have developed a standard response though, when someone complains about tone, I say; "Oh boohoohoo, someone said something MEAN to me and I'll never support basic human rights again they should have been nicer."

[browngirl.livejournal.com]

*nod* And often in practice, it doesn't even need to go that far -- I have seen (and have been) accused of being rude for pointing out bigotry in calm, grammatically correct language with very few exclamation marks, let alone curses. Many people think and/or try to say that the mere act of pointing out bigotry is Just So Rude, no matter how politely one tries to do it.

[dharma-slut.livejournal.com]

Well yes. Because otherwise they have to listen to what you said.

"tone" is not a good faith argument. Its an attempt to shuffle the blame for one's bigotry onto someone else. "you were mean and now I don't support basic human rights and it's all your fault for alienating me!"

[marydell.livejournal.com]

+1.

I like this connection you make between "mean" and "therefore I don't have to support basic human rights." Because nobody would say it like that, but that is the underpinning philosophy.

[dharma-slut.livejournal.com]

Not around lj they wouldn't perhaps. but elsewhere on theinternet, someone asked about whether the federal gummint would force a Rabbi (for instance) to marry same sex couples, and when the answer was no duh, he spake thusly:

A word— be careful not to attack people who are open-minded or undecided; you may be surprised at how easy it is to unintentionally polarize them. To which someone said:

I'm appalled to hear that someone was rude to Tysail. I can understand how such treatment would scar him for life and make him close his heart to gay equality. I don't know why some gay men get this strange idea that all straight white men are the enemy.

And-- get this-- they guy felt soothed. He couldnt read it as mockery.

Un freaking believable.

[marydell.livejournal.com]

Because when you point out bigotry you point out how massively unfair and terrible our racialized power structures are, and that makes the beneficiaries & defenders of those structures feel uncomfortable. And feeling uncomfortable about having power we don't deserve is the worst experience ever ever ever!

The thing is, though, there are some people who genuinely dislike white people, and who are genuinely rude. That doesn't mean they're wrong about racism, or that their insights are any less useful to a person seeking to build a more just society. So getting het up about the rudeness or the dislike seems really counter-productive to me...unless one's goal is what dharma_slut describes above, which I suspect is often the case.