Reading & its Discontents
May. 26th, 2008 07:48 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
marydellI'd like to think I'm a serious reader, but I'm going through my books and tagging stuff on librarything and I'm clearly just not. Even though I read something every day, I'm not reading enough whole books. There were a few years there where I didn't read books at all, actually--when I left grad school, I had writer's block and also what I vaguely think of as reader's block. For about three years I read nothing but magazines and comic books. I just couldn't concentrate enough to read more than a page of text at a time.
Over the years things have improved, but the problem is still there--if I get depressed or anxious, my concentration goes to hell, and I can't sit still to read for any length of time. Blogs have mostly taken the place of magazines when I'm feeling fidgety, and I've been working short stories in the mix more and more. So I've been able to keep reading fiction even when I have too much on my mind to be able to sit down and really read a whole book. But I'm hoping to go to the Fourth Street Fantasy convention and I'm seriously embarrassed to go and meet writers whose books I haven't managed to read yet. I read their blogs, I've bought their books, and in some cases I've waded into them, but I need to actually finish them.
Some books are easy and I sail through them--Schuyler's Monster by Rob Rummel-Hudson, for example. But that's non-fiction, as is Moneyball, the one I'm reading now. Fiction is a lot more challenging, for whatever reason, maybe because it engages my imagination more. Fiction is what brings me the most pleasure, though, when I'm able to stick with it.
I have plenty of valid reasons to be in a bad mental state at the moment, but I have GOALS, damnit! I'm so sick of my personal crap derailing my intellectual life. I can't take myself seriously as a writer unless I can take myself seriously as a reader first. I don't think I can read more than 40 books in a year, given my job & family/social life. But I should be able to finish more than 20.
Over the years things have improved, but the problem is still there--if I get depressed or anxious, my concentration goes to hell, and I can't sit still to read for any length of time. Blogs have mostly taken the place of magazines when I'm feeling fidgety, and I've been working short stories in the mix more and more. So I've been able to keep reading fiction even when I have too much on my mind to be able to sit down and really read a whole book. But I'm hoping to go to the Fourth Street Fantasy convention and I'm seriously embarrassed to go and meet writers whose books I haven't managed to read yet. I read their blogs, I've bought their books, and in some cases I've waded into them, but I need to actually finish them.
Some books are easy and I sail through them--Schuyler's Monster by Rob Rummel-Hudson, for example. But that's non-fiction, as is Moneyball, the one I'm reading now. Fiction is a lot more challenging, for whatever reason, maybe because it engages my imagination more. Fiction is what brings me the most pleasure, though, when I'm able to stick with it.
I have plenty of valid reasons to be in a bad mental state at the moment, but I have GOALS, damnit! I'm so sick of my personal crap derailing my intellectual life. I can't take myself seriously as a writer unless I can take myself seriously as a reader first. I don't think I can read more than 40 books in a year, given my job & family/social life. But I should be able to finish more than 20.
