Nov. 15th, 2010 08:09 pm
marydell: My hand holding a medusa head sculpture (by me) that's missing its snakes (Default)
[personal profile] marydell
I found myself listening to ringside's song "struggle" over and over in the car today. "I just want to move ahead, I just want to free myself but it's a struggle, i just want to lay in bed, i just want to be myself, but its a struggle...".

With my personal space all discombobulated by the basement work, and the attendant busyness as we paint and pick carpeting and so forth, I'm having trouble assessing my mental and emotional state. On the one hand I feel okay, but then I get these moments where I'm drifty and anxious, and then I'm busy again and back to assuming I'm okay. And in the grand scheme I am okay, but I work pretty hard to have an ordinary, routine-based life in which my cage is not rattled, because that is the foundation of my sanity. So I think it will be good when the build is all done and I can have my desk back and put the library in order, and when Mike can work at his desk again instead of in the kitchen, since he is also one who likes his routines. Thus far the focus has been to normalize the situation for Charlie as mich as possible, so I reconstruct his play area in the evenings after the guys are gone for the night, which has worked ok, but he will be glad when it's done too.
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